Well, I think the title is more than fitting. I am having an indie crisis and I am sure that many of you understand me completely. Being a writer is hard and especially for new writers, it is even harder. Every beginning has its own difficulties but with time and work we develop, and progress is what makes us stronger, better, what is leading our way step by step.
Indie authors, I think, we are in a more complex situation because we are alone. I am referring to writers, just like myself, who are doing everything alone. We don’t have a professional editor, we don’t have any author assistance, we don’t have a professional to design our book’s cover. We are alone! I don’t know if there are others like me, I guess there are, but you can’t imagine how hard it is!
I am feeling like someone dumped me in the middle of the ocean and said to me ‘Let’s see, can you swim to the shore?’ And not only he dumped me there; he is sitting comfortable on a boat watching to see if I am going to make it, or drown! And what I do? I swim and swim and swim but when I look back, I am only few feet further form the boat and the distance seems infinite, but my strength is running out. What I do then? I stop struggling with the water and I take a deep breath. I gather my strength and I continue to swim harder.
In a situation like this I am now. I am feeling drown with all the editing and the rules I have to follow. Rules, that I found out that they exist, form books and kind people that showed me the way. And the editing never stops. Commas, paragraphs, capital letters, Italian letters…a million things that need attention, my attention, but all I want to do is write and let someone else to care about these things. But I don’t have that option, so I sit back and read, reread and reread, doing the best I can. Will that be enough though? Will that make my book a decent one, when there are countless books with prettier covers, professional editing and who knows what else?
It is a risk I am willing to take. I have finished my book since July!!! And all this time I am working on it. Okay, I did a break and I wrote my second book, but I am waiting for so long and I have so many ideas in my mind, which are on hold for so long too. Sometimes I feel so exhausted that I lose my courage. These are the “Cloudy moments” that come and go, but what remains is that I love what I am doing, and I know that I will make mistakes and some people will hate my work, but that’s not enough to make me stop.
This is an indie crisis that seems to last forever. Even now that I am writing this post, my mind is on the editing and I hurry to continue it, so I will come closer to publication. But as closer as I approach, there is this force that pulls me back again and I have to start over. Like I am walking in a treadmill, that’s how it is. Will I be able to get off it, or I will just keep walking?