I had a whole different TOL planned for today, but something else got in the way. Not a pretty one, but this is what I’m thinking right now and as much as I try it won’t go away.
So I follow the only way I know how to deal with it.
I’m writing it down ... because it’s one of those days.
It’s been a while since I felt like this, but you never know when self-doubt will knock on your door. Well, today it tore down my door and hurried inside. With no reason and not a sign.
It felt like a huge nasty wave coming out of nowhere and suddenly I’m drifting away and there is water in my lungs, so I can’t breathe. And I’m panicking. My head hurts, my chest is burning and the surface is miles away.
So, there’s either drowning or struggle.
I choose struggle.
Nelson Mandela had said: There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.
Well, somewhere in that valley I am lost already, but desire is what drives me forward. Isn’t it after all a kind of freedom we all crave for? What if it is against the tide or in the opposite direction of the wind?
No one has a say on our desires.