Here it is, I admit it out loud or else the words won’t leave my mouth. I’m so tired, both physically and mentally. I’m one of those persons who just can’t shut down, I always have to do something since time is like a noose and if I stop I think that it’s going to choke me.
I barely read anymore and even if I rationalize it saying that I just don’t find the right book to much my current mood, the truth is that I’m tired to even read. There’s a constant noise in my head, a buzz like there’s a hive following me around, so all I want to do is get rid of it and just enjoy the quietness.
Yesterday I finally managed to shut everything out because I was so tired to even care about the sound. I sat comfortably on the sofa, turned on the laptop and I finished writing that half-written chapter that waited for me for so freaking long.
The words ran like water, my hands moved crazily on the keyboard and I felt again like leaving my body behind and stepping into the story. And as I sat there, lost in my own universe, everything just slowed down.
I feel calmer today, still tired but the peace of mind gives me strength to keep going, to keep writing and I may not be there yet, but I’m closer to finish the re-writes and get that boost of energy I need. Because when a story is finished, when a book is written, I swim in a sea of happiness and nothing can bring me down.
I know that the hive is still here, hovering over my head, but I’m just glad that I can’t hear it. So all I have to do to keep it quiet is to keep writing.
Just remember what makes you happy.