This is Think out Loud. It’s a weekly meme created to help bloggers break out from the blogging bubble. The rules are simple. We post whatever we want and let people know what’s in our mind. Visit the creator on Thinks Books and join too. It’s so cool to share your random thoughts.
My heart hammers in my chest and I can’t breathe normally. I try to calm myself but it’s pointless since my mind keeps working against me. Time flies and I've lost too much time already. It’s a weird month. My feelings consumes me, leaving me frozen, unarmed against the war I have to fight. What is happening to me?
I feel like a dark veil is over me, covering my sight, taking away my strength but not my thoughts. My thoughts are strong, fierce and multiplying day by day, but I can’t handle it anymore. My body complains and I know I must take it easy. But I’m nervous, I pace the room, not able to relax. I need to make changes, to move on, but every attempt in that direction, fails and the veil feels heavier over me. Is it going to swallow me?
The world is colorful, full of joy and happiness but the veil makes me see it differently. I see the gray shades spreading, blending with the colors, taking away the brightness, like a black hole leaving nothing but emptiness. Is this how my life is going to be?
I won’t surrender to the dark forces nor to the monsters that haunting my thoughts. I don’t care that I can feel their breaths on my neck and their claws on my body. No one is going to drag me down.
I know what I must do now, but how I am going to do it, it’s still a mystery. I know I’ll have to fight, but what terrifies me the most is not the unknown that lurks in the shadows, it’s me that makes me bite my lips and clench my fists. Because I know that fighting myself is going to be the hardest battle.
I started writing this, thinking about myself since I’m not in the best mood lately. But as I kept writing I noticed that there are too many similarities with one of my characters. I realize now why people say that we give a part of ourselves to the characters we create.
So, this is me thinking out loud and writing out loud, since this excerpt will be a part of a chapter in my novel, Damaged, second book in the Divided series (working title).
Do you see yourself in there? I know I do.
This is wonderful, Athina. It's wonderful that you can put all this turmoil to good use, better than good use. You're putting it in your book. I love that. Your words reached me like always. You tap into personal fears and truths more than most feel comfortable exploring (including me). And you're so right about giving part of ourselves to our characters, maybe not our personalities or our histories, but we give the bits and pieces. I'm so glad you joined TOL.ReplyDelete
You're right when you say that most people don't feel comfortable to explore these things and the weird is that I don't feel comfortable too. But something incredible happens when I sit down to write something. It's like I'm stepping out of my own body and I feel free from fears and taboos.Delete
I'm glad I joined too. :)
Depression can be so very debilitating, as I personally know, so I think it's great how you're able to channel these kinds of feelings into something creative! Stories always seem to become even more special when there's some kind of personal connection like this. Good luck writing even more for Damaged!ReplyDelete
Yes, it's good to channel feelings and thoughts into something creative. I liked that it happened so spontaneously.Delete
Thank you. I really love this project so much. :)